When a marriage faces challenges, understanding the underlying reasons can offer clarity and guidance. Each relationship is a unique blend of personalities, experiences, and expectations, but certain factors consistently contribute to marital breakdowns and, therefore, become reasons for divorce. In this comprehensive overview, we explore the ten most common reasons people get divorced.
Whether you’re personally affected or seeking a broader understanding, this exploration aims to provide a clear picture of the challenges many couples face that lead to the ending of their marriages. And for those looking for support to help navigate the challenges of divorce, the team of lawyers at Graziano & Flynn, P.C., located in Cherry Hill, NJ, bring over a century of combined legal expertise in family law to the table. As one of South Jersey’s largest groups of divorce lawyers, our team is dedicated to putting clients first, understanding each individual’s unique situation, and offering tailored legal representation.
As you continue reading, if you find yourself identifying with any of these reasons for divorce or are seeking professional guidance, don’t hesitate to contact us at Graziano & Flynn for a personalized consultation.
1. Infidelity / Extramarital Affair
Infidelity, often considered one of the most devastating betrayals in a marital relationship, stands out for many couples as one of the top reasons for divorce. It goes beyond the physical act; emotional affairs can be just as damaging, eroding trust and causing deep emotional wounds. Infidelity can emerge from a myriad of reasons, ranging from feelings of neglect, desire for novelty, or need for emotional connection outside of the marital bond.
Infidelity is one of the main causes of divorce, with estimates indicating that between 15-50% of divorces in the United States are attributed to it. The American Psychological Association refines this range of divorce rates, suggesting that about 20-40% of marriages end in divorce as a result of infidelity. The aftermath leaves couples grappling with shattered trust, anger, and confusion. While some may find a path to reconciliation through therapy and mutual effort, others view the breach as insurmountable, leading their relationship to end in divorce.
2. Lack of Commitment
Commitment serves as the foundation for enduring relationships. It’s the glue that binds married couples together, fueling the will to navigate challenges and prioritize the partnership. However, when commitment wanes, the stability of a marriage can quickly erode and become one of the leading causes of divorce. Signs of dwindling commitment can manifest in various ways – from neglecting responsibilities and ignoring the needs of a partner to a general disinterest in spending quality time together or planning a future.
A diminished sense of commitment doesn’t always arise from malice or deliberate neglect. Often, external pressures like career demands, health issues, or individual personal growth can inadvertently lead to one partner feeling less invested. The gradual drift apart can be more insidious than a sudden rupture, as it silently creates a chasm between partners. When couples recognize this growing distance and cannot bridge the gap, they might consider divorce as a means to pursue individual happiness and fulfillment.
3. Grown Apart
Over time, individuals evolve and change, influenced by experiences, challenges, and personal growth. In a marriage, it’s ideal that partners evolve together, maintaining a shared trajectory. However, there are instances where individuals grow in different directions, leading to feelings of disconnect and misalignment. This phenomenon, often termed “growing apart,” can result in partners feeling like they’re living with a stranger, lacking the intimacy and understanding that once characterized their relationship.
The process of growing apart is rarely abrupt. It’s a gradual shift marked by differences in interests, values, or life goals that were once aligned. While external factors like career changes, health issues, or significant life events can catalyze this separation, it’s also possible for intrinsic personal evolution to be the root cause. Recognizing that they’ve grown apart, some couples opt for mediation or marriage counseling in an attempt to rediscover common ground. Yet, for others, the realization is another one of the top reasons for divorce and marks a need for separation to pursue individual paths.
4. Financial Problems
Financial stability plays a pivotal role in the overall health of a relationship. Disagreements over money, spending habits, savings, and financial goals can strain even the strongest of bonds and greatly impact marriage and divorce rates. While money in itself is a tool, it often carries emotional weight, symbolizing security, freedom, and life choices. Differences in financial values and practices can lead to frequent conflicts, mistrust, and stress and ultimately overshadow other positive aspects of the relationship.
The root of financial disagreements can vary widely — from differing views on spending and saving to undisclosed debts or significant financial decisions made without mutual consent. For some couples, open communication and financial counseling can mend the rift, leading to a unified financial vision. However, for others, persistent financial disagreements and breaches of trust can become insurmountable, becoming another reason for divorce.
5. Domestic Violence
Domestic violence is deeply distressing and, unfortunately, one of the most common reasons for divorce. Physical and emotional abuse leave scars that often run deeper than what’s visible on the surface. Victims of domestic violence find themselves trapped in a cycle of fear, guilt, and, at times, misplaced loyalty, making the decision to leave incredibly challenging. Such abusive patterns not only endanger the immediate victim but also can have lasting negative impacts on children and other family members exposed to the environment.
Realizing one’s worth and taking the brave step to escape an abusive relationship requires immense courage and support. Many victims of domestic violence hesitate to seek divorce due to fears of retaliation, financial dependence, or concerns for their children. Legal support, especially from firms well-versed in handling sensitive cases like these, is crucial. Graziano & Flynn is dedicated to providing compassionate legal representation to those facing domestic violence, ensuring their safety and rights are paramount.
6. Family Pressure
Family dynamics play a significant role in the health and longevity of marital relationships. While the ideal scenario is for both families to support and nurture a couple’s union, this isn’t always the case. Family pressures stemming from cultural expectations, differences in upbringing, or personal biases can exert a heavy toll on a marriage. When family members disapprove or interfere consistently, it can sow seeds of discord, making partners feel like they’re constantly on the defensive side rather than enjoying mutual support.
In some situations, couples may find themselves caught between their commitment to each other and their loyalty or obligations to their families. This tightrope walk can lead to heightened stress, resentment, and emotional fatigue, all combined to become another one of the top reasons for divorce. While counseling and open communication can sometimes mediate family-induced strains, there are cases where the pressure becomes too much, leading couples to consider divorce as a means of finding peace and autonomy.
7. Substance Abuse
Substance abuse poses profound challenges in marital relationships, often transforming the very fabric of the bond shared between partners. When one or both individuals in a marriage grapple with addiction, it introduces a host of complications, from financial strain and broken trust to health concerns and emotional instability. The individual struggling with addiction might undergo personality changes, exhibit unpredictable behaviors, or neglect familial responsibilities, leading to increased tension and marital conflict within the home.
The journey of supporting a partner through addiction is fraught with emotional turmoil and uncertainty. While some couples manage to weather the storm, with the affected individual seeking treatment and the couple working towards rebuilding trust, others find the damage too extensive to mend. The pervasive nature of substance abuse often means that other aspects of the marriage, such as communication, intimacy, and mutual respect, are compromised. When efforts to address the addiction and its repercussions fail to bring about change, divorce might emerge as a path toward healing and self-preservation.
8. Inequality in the Marriage
Equality in a marriage is foundational for mutual respect, trust, and satisfaction. When partners feel valued and their contributions acknowledged, it fosters a nurturing environment for growth and intimacy. However, when one partner perceives or experiences a consistent imbalance in duties, decision-making, or emotional investment, it can lead to feelings of resentment and disillusionment. This inequality can manifest in various areas, from financial contributions and household responsibilities to emotional support and involvement in child-rearing.
Addressing perceived inequalities requires open communication and a willingness from both parties to re-calibrate and redefine roles. However, persistent feelings of being undervalued or marginalized can erode the bedrock of trust and mutual respect in a marriage. For couples who find themselves in a perpetual cycle of imbalance, where one partner feels overshadowed or diminished, the prospect of divorce might arise as a means to seek personal validation and equality.
9. Religious Differences
Religion and spirituality often serve as guiding principles in an individual’s life, influencing values, traditions, and worldviews. In the context of marriage, shared religious beliefs can be a strong bonding factor, offering a unified framework for life decisions and family traditions. However, when significant religious differences exist between partners, it can lead to challenges, especially if both individuals are deeply rooted in their respective faiths.
While many interfaith couples find ways to harmoniously blend their beliefs, others encounter recurring conflicts. Especially in scenarios where one partner undergoes a significant religious conversion after marriage, it can introduce unforeseen tension. Decisions about raising children, participating in religious activities, or adhering to specific customs can become points of contention. If these differences become insurmountable, divorce might emerge as a consideration.
10. Irreconcilable Differences
The term “irreconcilable differences” usually emerges in discussions about divorce, and it includes a broad spectrum of issues that might not fall neatly into specific categories. Essentially, it signifies that a couple acknowledges fundamental disagreements or conflicts in their marriage that they believe cannot be resolved. These differences could range from contrasting life goals and aspirations to deeply ingrained personality clashes. Despite efforts to bridge the gap, the couple finds it challenging to envision a harmonious future together.
While the reasons underlying irreconcilable differences can be diverse and multifaceted, the common thread is a persistent sense of discord and dissatisfaction. For many couples, reaching the decision to separate due to irreconcilable differences comes after extensive introspection, counseling, and attempts at resolution. Recognizing that their paths have diverged to a point where reconciliation seems improbable, they opt for divorce as a means to pursue individual happiness and peace.
Engaging with a reputable legal firm, such as Graziano & Flynn, during this pivotal transition can offer clarity and support, ensuring that both parties navigate the separation process with dignity and fairness.
Graziano and Flynn, P.C. have been helping New Jersey couples divorce for years. Call us today for a free consultation if you and your spouse are resolved in your divorce plans.
