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Gaslighting Defined in New Jersey Divorce Cases

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An Attack on Your Sanity: Divorce and Gaslighting

What is Gaslighting?

In a healthy relationship, spouses support and encourage each other. In abusive relationships, the exact opposite is true. The manipulative behavior known as gaslighting is a particularly insidious form of abuse designed to undermine and damage a person’s self-worth and confidence. It’s nothing less than an attack on someone’s sanity. The behavior often starts in small ways, with the abuser planting doubt in the victim’s mind about their memories, actions, and emotions. When the abuse intensifies, the gaslighter may try to isolate the victim to cut them off from the support of family and friends. At its core, gaslighting is a form of lying. It’s a common tactic of narcissists.

The term originated with the play and movie of the same name, “Gaslight.” In this fictional work, a husband is determined to commit his wife to a mental institution so he can steal her money. To convince her she’s losing her mind, he tries to make her believe she’s seeing and hearing things. At one point, when the husband’s actions cause the gas lights in the house to flicker, he tells his wife she’s imagining it.

When gaslighting drives a partner to seek divorce, securing sound legal representation is essential. For a knowledgeable, experienced divorce attorney in New Jersey, contact Graziano Law. We have years of experience with family law, divorce, and child custody cases.

 

Why Do People Try to Gaslight Others?

While the plot of the original “Gaslight” movie revolved around a person with malicious intentions, in real life, a gaslighter may simply want to be in control. Abusers often want to gain power to fuel their ego. People with personality disorders like narcissism and antisocial personality disorder are prone to gaslighting, since it feeds their distorted views of themselves and others. Not all cases of gaslighting stem from psychological issues, however. If a person was raised in an environment where gaslighting was an accepted tactic, it may be a learned behavior. Regardless of the root cause, gaslighting is a problematic behavior with many negative consequences. If you’ve decided to divorce a gaslighter, the team at Graziano Law can help you successfully end the marriage so you can begin the recovery process.

 

How You Can Protect Yourself From a Gaslighter?

Gaslighting surfaces in many ways, including dismissing the victim’s feelings, minimizing dangerous situations, ignoring achievements, withholding information, accusing the victim of doing things they have not done, telling the victim they’re “crazy,” and denying verifiable facts. They may try to cast doubt into the victim’s mind by telling them things like, “You’re just too sensitive,” “You’re remembering that wrong,” or “You’re getting upset over nothing.”

Victims on the receiving end of this behavior may eventually suffer from an erosion of self-esteem, anxiety, confusion, and depression. If you feel that you’ve been subjected to gaslighting, it’s important to seek professional help, and if you’ve decided to move ahead with a divorce, experienced legal representation is critically important. Some steps you can take to protect yourself include:

  • Distance yourself as much as possible from the gaslighter. Do not let them know about any plans you have for divorce until you absolutely must.
  • Avoid engaging in arguments.
  • Get support from family, friends, therapists, and a good attorney.
  • Keep documentation of what’s happening, including collecting data that can verify your statements.
  • If you are concerned about an escalation of abuse, don’t hesitate to leave.

We Proudly Serve All of South Jersey

Contact Graziano Law Today

Graziano Law offers compassionate, experienced legal assistance to help you move on from a relationship that involves gaslighting. When you need a divorce attorney in New Jersey, contact us to schedule a free consultation.

Client Reviews

Best Lawyer Around!

Ron surpassed my expectations in my case. He always kept me in the loop, updated me with any change, and answered ALL of my questions.. And I had a ton! He was very knowledgable, honest, supportive, and calm. I was nervous every step of the way and he listened to each and every one of my concerns. He was always available by phone and email; He responded very promptly to every email I sent (I sent a ton!). Ron is an extremely trustworthy lawyer. Listen to what he says and have faith in him, you will be as impressed as I am! I couldn’t have dreamed of a better outcome in my case. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to represent me, I highly recommend him to anyone looking for an amazing lawyer!! His staff is amazing as well!!

– Gia

I am a Father and my daughter wanted to live with me and attend school closer to my home (I wanted to enroll her into private school) so that would mean I would need to become the primary parent of residence. I thought it would be impossible to get that changed because I also have a career as a firefighter so my work schedule rotates and its 24 hour shifts. I contacted Robyn and she was upfront and honest provided me with possible outcomes. Robyn was outstanding! She had to do the work of two attorneys because the defendants’ attorney would not submit paperwork to the court in a timely manner and that would’ve slowed the process. The case went to trial and having the experienced attorney really showed! I am now the primary parent of residence my daughter and I couldn’t be happier. She always answered my calls, emails and was on time. Both parents were found to be fit by the judge yet a change of custody was still granted in my favor.

– Delvin C.

I couldn’t be more pleased with my attorney Ron Graziano, when it came down to understanding and knowing his area of expertise there is no doubt that this Law Firm is everything plus that. Ron was very easy to talk with and clearly knew how to approach my case. I went to court for a child support/custody situation and it could not have worked out more satisfying for me if i had not had the Graziano & Flynn firm representing me in the most professional and knowledgeable way possible. I did not have to speak with the Judge not one time, i was represented absolutely well by my attorney Ron, he’s the best and i will continue to use him, if need be; Thank you so much.

– Barber B

Robyn is an excellent litigator and educated/guided me throughout my divorce. She is incredibly gifted in managing your case and fighting for you with opposing consul. Through the dark days she kept me going and helped me get the results me and my children deserved.

– Chris K.

Robyn made the divorce process bearable by making sure I was ok every step of the way. She was a fighter when she needed to be and compassionate the rest of the time. The thing I liked best about her is that she was encouraging when I needed to get my end of the work done. She was reasonably priced and worked hard to get my case settled. I have since recommended her to 3 other friends who have retained her services.

– Ana Z.

I was referred to Ron through a friend and I couldn’t have been happier with my experience working with him. I had a family court/custody issue that Ron helped me win. He was extremely knowledgeable with family/custody law and how to approach judges with the information I provided concerning my case. He was reasonably priced and worth every penny. I am finally the parent of primary residence for my daughter thanks to Ron’s expertise. Thanks Ron…

– Nathan

I was referred to Ron through a friend and I couldn’t have been happier with my experience working with him. I had a family court/custody issue that Ron helped me win. He was extremely knowledgeable with family/custody law and how to approach judges with the information I provided concerning my case. He was reasonably priced and worth every penny. I am finally the parent of primary residence for my daughter thanks to Ron’s expertise. Thanks Ron…

– Danielle

After a divorce, my ex-husband was not keeping up with his scheduled child support payments. With the help and knowledge of Robyn Flynn, I was able to resolve this issue. Being a single mother of three children, Robyn Flynn made me a priority. I felt respected by her always keeping me informed and encouraged. She was not only my lawyer, but a friend during a very stressful time in my life. I would never use another attorney other than Robyn Flynn and highly recommend her to my friends as a trustworthy, professional and experienced lawyer.

– Anna H.

Ron is an extremely trustworthy lawyer. Listen to what he says and have faith in him, you will be as impressed as I am! I couldn’t have dreamed of a better outcome in my case. I wouldn’t have wanted anyone else to represent me, I highly recommend him to anyone looking for an amazing lawyer!!
His staff is amazing as well!!

– Gia

I’d Hire Him Again!

Mr. Graziano had my best interests in mind when he represented me. He is clearly knowledgeable and handled my divorce quickly and efficiently. I’d hire him if I ever found myself needing a divorce lawyer again.

– Nadia

Excellent, Friendly Legal Advice and Service

I offer an unqualified recommendation for Ron Graziano and the service he provided during my divorce. The only reason I am listing this review anonymously is that my crazy Ex is still cyberstalking me. Ron was knowledgeable, creative, and effective as an attorney for my divorce. He listened to me and heard what I wanted and he helped to make sure it happened in court. In addition, he is just a great guy! Don’t hesitate to call him if you need assistance.

– New Client

Hire Ron Graziano!

Attorney Graziano is one of the brightest and most compassionate professionals with which anyone could work! He is a great advocate and is extremely knowledgable of the judicial system. He made a very unpleasant legal situation a pleasant journey, and he helped keep things in perspective and in a positive light. I fully recommend him without reservation!

– Danielle

The Right Attorney for the Job!

Hiring the right attorney to represent your Divorce case is one of the most important decisions you will ever make!

I was fortunate enough to hire Ron to handle my case and had what I believe to be a favorable outcome. I based my opinion on achieving the goals we set in the beginning of the case and comparing my final outcomes to friends and colleagues that went through the process with other attorneys. Thank you Ron!

– Craig

The Best…..

It seemed like my case took forever but I trusted Ron Grazaino ans listened to what had to say.Mr Graziano said that the insurance company was not being fair and that we should go to trial. The trial was very nerve racking however he eased my mind and killed them with proof and knowledment.My out come of my trial brought me to tears of joy. I could never imagine such a good outcome. Listen to him, have faith and you too will be impressed.

– Robin

Excellent

Mr Graziano represented me in a family court matter. Throughout the case, he was intelligent, knowledgable, calm, supportive, and always prompt and responsive to any question I might have. He kept me informed, prepared thoroughly for the hearing and was extremely well spoken. The case was decided in my favor. Definitely a superior lawyer. I am so happy he represented me and would strongly recommend him.

– Child Support Client

Going through a divorce and a few attorneys over the years, I did not have the greatest trust in lawyers as a whole. That was until I hired Robyn Flynn. Robyn is honest and incredibly intelligent about family/divorce law. She returned my calls and emails quickly. She wrote briefs and responses both truthfully and succinctly. She was honest about what the judge may say and made recommendations accordingly. She could have encouraged me to fight, draw things out or inundate with threatening letters, but she did not. You have a responsive, brilliant professional WITH INTEGRITY in Robyn Flynn.

– Mia

Attorney Graziano is one of the brightest and most compassionate professionals with which anyone could work! He is a great advocate and is extremely knowledgable of the judicial system. He made a very unpleasant legal situation a pleasant journey, and he helped keep things in perspective and in a positive light. I fully recommend him without reservation!

– Danielle C.

After seeking legal advice from many lawyers for my family law matter, I came across Ron Graziano. Immediately I felt at ease with Ron and his team. Their compassionate and genuine desire to help me through a difficult time was evident. Quickly I was able to experience their professionalism, their vast knowledge of the legal system and their willingness to go above and beyond. I am blessed to have had a great attorney like Ron represent me. If you are in need of legal advice, I highly recommend connecting with Ron, you will not be disappointed. Thank you Ron and your amazing staff for always being there every step of the way.

– H.S.

Robyn Flynn was extremely knowledgeable, professional, efficient and compassionate throughout the process of divorce. Robyn’s advice, drafting of documents, representation in court, and follow up helped to maintain an amicable and quick process. I highly recommend Robyn Flynn.

– Elizabeth T.

Robyn was an excellent attorney who guided me through divorce process from beginning to the end. She was professional and welcoming at all times. One thing that I truly appreciated from her was how knowledgeable she is about the laws concerning divorce, child custody, and alimony. If there was ever a stumbling block thrown at us from other side, she knew exactly how to handle the matter with my best interest at heart. I would highly recommend her for any family matter. She is a wonderful attorney and even better person!

– Cynthia N.

Robyn is very effective in accomplishing the goals set forth by her client. She is considerate and caring towards what matters to you and your family, and what it’s costing you. Too many lawyers encourage extreme litigation from the start which only increases the stess and pain of an already painful situation, not to mention leaving you broke. I fired a previous legal team in the middle of my drawn out, expensive case and hired Robyn who actually listened to my needs and wishes and then actually got the job done.

– Joseph G.

Robyn Flynn is an outstanding attorney who represented me in my recent divorce case. Her kind and calm demeanor helped guide me through this traumatic and stressful period in my life. Robyn was patient with me and always addressed my questions and concerns promptly. She handled each step in the process quickly and efficiently, and kept me informed every step of the way. Robyn’s knowledge of the law and vast experience in handling divorce cases proved to be great assets and resulted in an out of court settlement. Not only was I pleased with her work as my attorney, but I also appreciated the genuine concern she had for my well-being. Her hard work, dedication, support, and guidance were invaluable. Robyn is not only an exceptional attorney, but a great person to know. I highly recommend her to others in need of the best!

– K. P.

Attorney Graziano was great. He worked with me every step of the way. He answered all of my questions…and I had a lot, and updated me with each change.

His staff was also wonderful!

– Robin

Robyn Flynn is that rare attorney that not only cares but delivers results. She is smart, savvy, knowledgable and a pleasure to work with. I have in the past and will continue to refer others to her.

– Mindy B.

Ron was wonderful. He was professional, attentive, knowledgeable and above all was able to win our case!! Would recommend him to anyone! Thank you again!

– Jessica S.

Ron is a very nice, efficient. All layers are expensive but he will work with you. I thank God for finding him in the first place

– Valerie F.
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