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How to Stay Calm When Your World is Upside Down During Divorce?

Whether you are high strung in general, or shy and reserved, hearing “calm down” when you are feeling out of control and angry can sound like fighting words. People will say “breathe,” or “relax” or “don’t let him/her get to you.”

Let’s face it: that’s easier said than done when you are going through a contentious divorce. It’s easy to feel as though every move — every text, every email, every glance, even every conversation with your children — is your soon-to-be-ex’s calculated way of getting at you. Divorce is a high stakes endeavor. Whether you have a bankfull of money or are scraping by financially, if you have children, there’s a reason to fight for your best interests.

One thing is for sure, how you handle the divorce negotiations today will set the stage for communication going forward. You may have always been the bickering couple type. Perhaps every time each of you speaks the other gets stressed out immediately. One or both of you tends to get frustrated and all discussions end the same way — in conflict and often with yelling.

If and when you find yourself getting very upset — about everything, or virtually nothing important — consider some of the following self-help steps. They may sound obvious to some. They bear repeating and careful consideration. Don’t knock ‘em until you’ve tried them.

Breathe Deeply: Taking the time to pay attention to your breath means you have to stop the forces in motion that are taking over and setting you into fight mode.

Leave the Negativity at the Door: It can be the door of your bedroom, your car, the front door of your house, your patio door leading to your outside oasis. Choose a place you can go to be free, at least temporarily, of your negative emotions. Focus on the positive when you are in those places.

Focus on the Big Picture: You know what’s most important. If you and your children are healthy, happy and provided for — what more do you really need in the end? When you have perspective, you can pick and choose which things are really worth arguing about.

Besides, if each day is an opportunity to carve out your new life for yourself, what do you want in the future? Do you want infighting and resentment? Or, do you want to bury the upset and resentment and move forward in peace and with hope. Focus on where you want to go and you’ll have a better chance of achieving those goals.

Look at It This Way: You’ve made the decision to move forward with your life. It may not be easy — in fact, it may feel almost impossible — but the sooner you are able to stop getting worked up by the other person’s actions (or lack thereof) the quicker you will be on the road to healing. Now, while you are dealing with the divorce negotiations, it’s a good incentive to start. Stop focused on being so disappointed and angry with the other person. Focus on the future. What is important to you? What will be in the best interests of your children.

Speaking to an experienced divorce lawyer who can mitigate some of the stress and frustration is an excellent way of taking control of an out-of-control behavioral relationship.

There aren’t many people who jump for joy at the prospect of having a potentially contentious and heated conversation with someone they are divorcing. It can be very unsettling, profoundly frustrating, and deeply disappointing. The unfortunate reality for the vast majority of divorcing couples is that tense moments, conflicts, and arguments are inevitable during your divorce journey; how you handle the conflict will help to determine how long and how difficult the process will be. The truth is, you may not be at your best right now. But, you need to be the best you can be — you are being asked to make decisions that will impact you and your family for a long time to come.

A knowledgeable lawyer can protect your rights and help facilitate communication between the two divorcing spouses. Contact Graziano & Flynn in Cherry Hill, NJ, for a consultation about your personal family situation. We will listen, not judge, and we will guide you through the divorce process every step of the way.

Client Reviews
Mr. Graziano had my best interests in mind when he represented me. He is clearly knowledgeable and handled my divorce quickly and efficiently. I'd hire him if I ever found myself needing a divorce lawyer again.
★★★★★
Attorney Graziano is one of the brightest and most compassionate professionals which anyone could work with! He is a great advocate and is extremely knowledgable of the judicial system. He made a very unpleasant legal situation a pleasant journey, and he helped keep things in perspective and in a positive light. I fully recommend him without reservation! Danielle
★★★★★
Hiring the right attorney to represent your divorce case is one of the most important decisions you will ever make! I was fortunate enough to hire Ron to handle my case and had what I believe to be a favorable outcome. I based my opinion on achieving the goals we set in the beginning of the case and comparing my final outcomes to friends and colleagues that went through the process with other attorneys. Thank you Ron! Craig
★★★★★
It seemed like my case took forever but I trusted Ron Grazaino and listened to what he had to say. Mr Graziano said that the insurance company was not being fair and that we should go to trial. The trial was very nerve racking however he eased my mind and killed them with proof and knowledge. My outcome of my trial brought me to tears of joy. I could never imagine such a good outcome. Listen to him, have faith and you too will be impressed. Robin
★★★★★
Ron surpassed my expectations in my case. He always kept me in the loop, updated me with any change, and answered ALL of my questions.. And I had a ton! He was very knowledgable, honest, supportive, and calm. I was nervous every step of the way and he listened to each and every one of my concerns. He was always available by phone and email. He responded very promptly to every email I sent (I sent a ton!). Ron is an extremely trustworthy lawyer. Listen to what he says and have faith in him, you will be as impressed as I am! I couldn't have dreamed of a better outcome in my case. I wouldn't have wanted anyone else to represent me, I highly recommend him to anyone looking for an amazing lawyer!!
His staff is amazing as well!!
Gia
★★★★★